Lillian, my beloved, I am writing on 3rd of Vult from Vedykar in Karrnath. Lilly, you will never will never guess what happened earlier today, and the kids are going to lose their minds when they find out, so be sure to gather them before continuing: I met King Kaius III! Well, yes, I’ve been drinking. It was part of the reward for winning the bare-knuckle boxing arena contest, and Xenobia entered as well, but only lasted two fights: I had had three fights, I easily defeated an old, fat, farmer, and then I took out the crowd favourite, Rocky, a hulking Half-Orc Barbarian, with one punch! Fire Brandy. No, but it actually happened, Lillian! Wait, Lyn wants to say something.
It were definitely no more than a single blow. He probably coulda got it done wif a half blow to be fair. Not to diminish the size of the other bloke, he was a mountain of an orc.
See? Well… yes, he has, but he handles his drink better than I do. Yes, Lillian, we also had roadies on our way here at General Koshkin’s place, and I’m about to have more with him and with General Koshkin as another victory drink, because I’m the first one to dismount General Koshkin while piggy-back jousting. Piggy-back jousting. You know like how Damien does with his school friends? Sure, I mean, his guards seemed very demoralised and tired of being subjected to such treatment, but I won, Lillian. I bloody won! Again.
Well you tell that to General Koshkin and King Kaius III. They don’t have a problem with me drinking and having a good time, and it’s not all fun and games, you know. I am actually on a mission with the others for King Kaius III, he wants us to retrieve his crown from General Koshkin, and replace it with a fake. That’s why Xenobia and I entered the bare-knuckle boxing competition in the first place, so we could get some intel on General Koshkin’s compound, and insight into General Koshkin himself. We were going to do the heist tonight, but I think there has been some murmur of us using this night as reconnaissance to return at a later time with a better constructed plan.
The King gave us the mission after we first arrived in Vedykar, because I totally met him. No I did! No, he’s the real King, Lillian. Lilly, this is different. No, last time I was misinformed. Yes, I was drunk then, too. Okay, the time before that I was making it up, but I was away for training at Deneith Headquarters and I wanted to impress you. Well, I guess the difference is now we’re already married, and I don’t need to impress you anymore. No, Lilly, that came out wrong. What I meant was, I don’t NEED to because you’re married to me, but I still WANT to because I’m in love with you.
Well, the King was very grateful to us for uncovering the identity, and apprehension, of the murderer of one of his favoured ambassadors during the Lightning Rail ride to Karrnath. So, he invited us up to his castle to thank us personally, he even had a magnificent white carriage towed by two undead horses waiting for us. While we were there, King Kaius III’s manservant, Vladimir, was in the kitchen preparing food, the King suggested we try some pickled pork, so we all went into the kitchen to place our orders, except Kit, who wanted a fresh chicken carcass. Vladimir did not like us hanging around, so told us to leave, but Xenobia asked him why he was grinding up deadly nightshade, he told her she was confused, and that they were Karrnathi daisies before kicking her out. No, it was all a ru- I mean, we definitely foiled the assassination attempt.
It was a nasty doppelganger impersonating Vladimir. He tried to slip the nightshade powder into the King’s cup, Luna stopped him moments before he drank his wine. We dispatched the vile creature, and entered into the King’s good graces even further. We spoke about the Blood of Vol, the Emerald Claw, undead, Fort Zombie, Liches, Gabrie- Oh shit. Lillian, now, now, don’t get mad, but we might, maybe, possibly, kinda, sorta, definitely not-not tracking that Lich we ran away from back in Passage. But, but, hear me out, Lilly. With the King’s backing, and resources, we could learn a lot, and as Felix Fairfax used to say, “Knowledge of one’s foes can turn a tea party into a decisive ba- no, um. Turn a decisive battle into a tea party”. I’m not drunk, Lillian, I’m just… full of alcohol.
Gabriel, is possibly a member of the Crimson Covenant, run by a delusional woman claiming to be the Lord of Lies, and Queen of Death, she believes herself to be Andaris Vol. You know, as in the House of Vol.
Oh, be sure to let Josephine know that in the Mournland, apparently, foods don’t perish, wounds don’t heal and buildings move and change configuration! She might be able to use that for her assignment on Khorvaire: A Recent History – that one’s due in Zarantyr, isn’t it?
Lillian! I can’t believe I almost forgot! I have my very own goat steed (I think the breed is an ibex, or something), like Felix Fairfax did! I found it this morning while the others were getting blueprints for General Koshkin’s house, which is more like a mini castle, and no moat. His name is Raizor, and he is magnificent. Albeit black haired and fiery-eyed. And everyone keeps trying to tell me he looks like a regular warhorse. I’ve never seen a horse with horns and a beard before. I don’t think they know what an Ibex is.